- when attending a wedding don’t take the place of honor but of lowliness so you’ll be exaulted and not demoted
- you being adjusted to your rightful place in the relationship can feel like dishonor or honor depending on where you first place yourself
- if you don’t understand the levels of honor you’ll either violate them or be confused by them
- honor allows trust to grow
The Place of Honor
- Allows trust
o We can meet the needs of eachother
- Allows intimacy
- Allows empowerment
- Honor = trust, intimacy & empowerment
HealthyRelationships
- Covenant
o I allow you to influence me
o You allow me to influence you
§ “I need to feel ____ in our relationship”
§ if responded to builds trust, if not builds anxiety
§ anxiety casts out love – love cast out fear
§ are you paying attention to the level of anxiety between you and the people around you?
§ We share our hearts with eachother and we both value it
o We are both willing to die to protect this relationship (connection)
§ I’m willing to face the fear of conflict to tell you what’s really going on in my life
§ By you not having conflict you’re really cultivating selfishness cause you are afraid what will happen to you.
§ I need to be courageous enough to love you and speak the truth in love and tell you what’s going on with me
§ When one person “dies” and the other does not …
· it creates an injustice
· vengeance enters the relationship
o protect yourself, take it into your own hands
o Romans 12:19-21 – overcome this by honor, self-control – turn over the justice to God. Surrender my right to punish you, avenge myself, and withhold love because I trust that God will work in this.
o So I stay focused and in control of me no matter what you do
o If you don’t do this you’ll become a victim that blames others for your problems
- Intimacy
o We’re afraid of this
o We have a need that’s gone unmet so I’m going to hide it from you and mistreat you until you guess what it is. When you guess wrong or quit trying I’ll treat you worse and get hurt and rejected thinking that you don’t value what I need. I think if I tell you what I need upfront and you don’t do it it’ll hurt worse.
o In-to Me-see
o Safety
o Vulnerability
o Acceptance
o Peace
o
- Boundaries
o Setting Limits
o Not rules
o Boundaries = to keep in what I want to keep in
o Keep out what I want to keep out
o To protect the priorities of my life
§ Time, energy, resources, relationships
§ It’s no one else’s job to protect my priorities but my own
o Set levels of relationships that you will protect
o Communication Levels
§ Cliché
§ Facts
§ Ideas/Thoughts/Opinions
· Where the problems start
· This is where the anxiety comes in cause we don’t know how to deal with 2 powerful people in the room
§ Feelings
· If you touch my heart with your head it’s gunna hurt like crazy
· Don’t try to correct my feelings
· If you understand this part of who I am then I can open the deepest level of communication
§ Needs
o I must be powerful if I’m going to be free and able t manage me no matter what’s going on with you and you will demonstrate your value for this relationship by how you respond.
§ Jesus said our love for him will be shown by how we treat our relationship
§ How do I treat what I know is important to him?
§ How is your behavior affecting God’s heart?
§ We can convince ourselves that Jesus is okay with anything and justify our actions
- eliminates anxiety, control, manipulation
- I tell you about me and you tell me about you
o Can you respond to what I showed you and not feel controlled or dominated by what I need?
Effective Communication
- speaker & listener
o “I” Messages
§ I feel _________(feeling)
§ When ________(action)
§ I need to feel ______(feeling)
· There are things you want me to do I don’t want to do
- if I don’t know how to communicate what I need to you, you won’t understand
- I’ll feel powerless and out of control if I overstep my boundaries
o If they are crossed I’ll communicate to you the anxiety and stress that I feel because of that
o Work out expectations
- Honor = How you communicate with people and the level of access yougive them to your life.
- Women, how dressed are you emotionally in your conversations with guys?
o If you don’t respect that inner place it’s like having sex several times before marriage
o Don’t be vulnerable until he will cover you, let him set the bar for emotional depth
- It’s not up to you what people do with their limits
o If people have a spirit of rejection and you are a peacemaker you can lie and perpetuate a false relationship and they will eventually get hurt
o You sound rejected instead of informed
o What are you going to do with that sensitivity and spirit of rejection?
o Fight fear with love
- Difference between a scar and a wound is if you touch it and it hurts, it’s still a wound. And if you let it go it will get infected.
